We tend to explain why you should sail on these pages but for once we will be pessimistic and let you in on some secrets about sailing. This is why you should not sail. We will actively attempt to discourage you from getting out on the water. We don’t want you to even consider allowing the wind to fill your sails. Who needs vitamin E and sunshine? Not you!.
The Top Reasons Why You Should NOT Be Sailing
You can have just as much fun sitting on the couch. While you are out sailing the wind will mess up your hair, the sun will warm your skin and the sound of the ocean will mess with your ability to hear your favorite songs on the radio. Also, if the wind is really picking up there is no way you will be able to read the latest gossip on social media sites and forget about selfies when the swells pick up. If you want to be distracted by your mobile phone, sailing is just not for you.
Why Learn Something New?
Spend any time on a sailboat and you will learn something. It’s hard not to. Sit on the deck and you’ll notice how the wind propels the boat. Talk to the skipper and she’ll explain points of sail. Look in the water and you’ll notice how dolphins swim fast without much effort. It never ends. Being on a sailboat makes you smarter. Why would you want that? Do you really want to learn about how the sails on a vessel can help you harness the power of the wind? NO! We don’t want to learn anything like that. Nobody wants to be smarter right? Do not take ASA 101 because soon you’ll be teaching other people about the way a boat can sail into the wind. Don’t be that guy. Don’t learn to sail.
Do Not Go Outdoors?
There is no way to avoid this. You can’t sail and stay indoors so why would you do it. You don’t need sunshine. You need to hover in the corner of your living room watching re-runs of shows that you never saw when they originally aired. Sunlight will make your skin glow with a radiant healthiness that frankly you don’t want. Order take out, put on some sweats, and do not even think about the fresh air and sunshine that come with sailing.
Who Needs Confidence?
One of the things that sailing and a sailing education do is give you the confidence to get out on the water and sail a boat. Do you really need to be the person at parties that people associate with sailing? You’ll hear the whispers, “That guy sails every weekend” or “ Did you know he races sailboats?” Do you want to be the person that is being talked about at parties? No, do you want to walk around with all of that self-confidence because you single-handed a boat while people watched from under their umbrellas at the beach? Don’t be the person with the perfect tan, just don’t.
You Want Freedom
One of the worse things about sailing is this false sense of being free. You get out on the water and the wind starts blowing you around. You trim your sails and the boat is propelled through the water but what you don’t realize is that the wind is in control. You are not free to go where ever you want. Sure, there are no lane lines painted on the ocean but the wind dictates where you go. Soon swells and current come in and change your plans as well. Don’t do that. Drive a car and be in total control. A boat will only make you hone your senses to coincide with nature. Do you want to start reading the weather or adjusting your sails simply because speed comes with a properly trimmed sail? Do you? Freedom is too important. Don’t go sailing. Ride a bike.
Why would you ever want to explore the world?
I met a couple who wanted to explore the world. They learned to sail and bought a boat and soon were sailing all over the world. When I met them at Charlotte Amelie airport in the US Virgin Islands they were so smug with all of their happiness. They knew I worked for the American Sailing Association and they thanked me for giving them the keys to their slice of paradise.
Listen, don’t blame me. Don’t place blame when your passport is full and you have to get new pages. Don’t point a finger when you pass out on Whites Bay on Jost Van Dyke after one too many painkillers. Don’t accuse me when you’re snacking on grilled octopus and drinking Assyrtiko in the Greek Islands.
The American Sailing Association will not be held responsible when you sing Jimmy Buffett out loud, when you pack a collection of flip-flops or when you meet a group of people at a beach bar and they invite you to their private island.
It’s not our fault that your life is so much fun and everyone envies your lifestyle.
Blame it on sailing.